little bit's place

I found this on a site where you can purchase memorial jewelry.

http://www.labelledame.com

GOD SAW SHE WAS GETTING TIRED
AND A CURE WAS NOT TO BE
SO HE PUT HIS ARMS AROUND HER
AND WHISPERED "COME WITH ME"
WITH TEARFUL EYS
WE WATCHED HER SUFFER
AND SAW HER FADE AWAY
ALTHOUGHT WE LOVED HER DEARLY,
WE COULD NOT MAKE HER STAY.
A GOLDEN HEART STOPPED BEATING,
HARD WORKING HANDS TO REST.
GOD BROKE OUR HEARTS TO PROVE TO US,
HE ONLY TAKES THE BEST.

There is going to be a 100 mile motorcycle charity ride for little Allison. Its being organized by our church and a Christian motorcycle association. The date set so far is August 25 which was Alli's due date, though they didn't know it. There's also still going to be a benefit for her Memorial Fund though a date for that has not been set.

I got a bill from Children's Hospital on Friday and the grand total, minus what insurance was paying for, was $59,002. I about died when I saw it because I thought that was only for her 4 hour stay at Children's, but there were charges from Good Samaritin too. The bill calls for $1,700 from us, and from what Chris said to me after talking to a co-worker, the most we have to pay out of pocket is $2,000. That's just for Alli's care though. I still have a $900 for my c-section and another $900 bill for my hospital stay. To me that just seems wrong to charge so much. I realize all of the doctors and nurses that care for such precious babies need to be paid, very deservingly so, but it irks me knowing that alot of that money is going to an insurance company somewhere. I don't mean to be petty over money because I would gladly pay anything for how well she was taken care of but it just seems a bit much.

As far as grief, I myself am doing somewhat better though the nights are hard because that's when I'd go up to the NICU to see Allison. I miss touching her and holding her terribly but though death feels final when you're still living, I know that one day I will hold her again. Its just hard right now. I pray for all parents of children in NICUs all over because I know just how hard it is. Even when things are going really well you still feel drained from travelling, no matter how far, to see your baby. You just want them home. Just know that if your little one is in the hospital that you and your angel are in my prayers.

Just a note, yesterday Alli would have been 33 weeks gestation and today she would have been two whole months old. I miss you Baby Girl.

More info on the charity ride for Allison's Memorial Fund. The date has been changed to August 26 which isn't that huge of a change. The donation price to participate in the ride is $10 or $15 for couples. There's about 70 riders so far and Karen Hillard and Dianna Schwier, my cousins are putting the ride information in an ad in a motorcycle magazine called Heartbeat and putting a commercial on local cable. It seems to being going good so far with getting money together for her medical bills and gravestone. I couldn't be happier about how really caring and supportive everyone has been.

Its been a month now and I'm finding myself crying less, though I still do cry. I get choked up about baby things, like clothes and the like. I know that I am lucky enough to be able to have other children but none will quite be Alli. I miss you so much Baby Girl. Mama loves you.