I haven't blogged in forever. I have reasons. I've had a baby boy on May 22 this year and the pregnancy was crazy so I didn't have time to do stuff. His name is Aiden Christopher Seiter and he's doing just fine. ^^

Anyway I mostly wanted to say that due to spam I'm turning off the comments until I can set up a verification thing for the comments. XD

I just finished totally redoing RFF. I changed the layout as well as converted it to php. Go me. O_o I just need a link from Sapphira about where to link Dream Flow Prod. and then I can update. XD I have a special thing to add to RFF that she made for me. ^^

I got a job offer from Good Samaritan Hospital (same one Alli was born at) for their lab. I hope that it pans out for me. I might be able to go tho their nursing school for free too if I work there. That would be a big help not to have any more student loans...I'm up to like $40k now? Ick.

Not a whole lot going on other than that. I have a vacation planned from Oct. 5 to 12 so that will be nice to get away but at the same time I'm visiting my sister in Boston. Hope there's no drama. O_o

The charity ride for Baby Allison was on Sunday and I think it was VERY successful. There were over forty motorcycles there and lots of people took part in the raffles and auctions. I think the total came to about $1043. That will help A LOT with the bills. Still need about another $2000 in the memorial fund to pay off all of the bills. At least its a start. Anything left over buys Alli's headstone and gets donated to the March of Dimes. I am still so amazed at all the people who came to the ride and how really nice and selfless people can be. O_o I'm still in shock..

In other news, my sister, Heather, is having a baby! I will be an aunt. At first she went in and they couldn't find any baby on the ultrasound. They told her there was no baby (a condition called blighted ovum, its VERY common) and that they wanted to do a D&C (that's dilation and curettage, pretty much what they do for an abortion, but if you have miscarried and not expelled everything they need to suction the leftovers out or you can get sick). She told them no and made an appointment to recheck everything after she and her husband Xi got back from France. Well today was the appt. and what do you know?! There's a lil baby! Heather said it looked like a raspberry. Its only fitting since my first ultrasound of Alli, I thought she looked like a Cheeto. What's with this family and babies looking like food? Anyway, I'm REALLY happy for her.

I on the other hand wish I could have another one right now, but that doesn't seem to be happening at the moment. Maybe my body and God are smarter than I am and realize better than I do that my body needs a rest before carrying a baby again. O_o I just feel so lonesome without my Alli. Another lil person to smother with love feels like the only thing to cure it. It seems to be a common feeling in mothers who lose infants, so at least I'm normal...in that respect anyhow.

I have more to post but I should be in bed. I fail at sleep anymore.... Z_z

I haven't totally disappeared off the face of the earth. I've just been working a lot lately. I'm off this week because I'm a mere temp medical assistant. DX

I'm doing better as far as grief is concerned. I still cry every other day or so but that's expected. I just can't stop missing my baby. She was just so wonderful. I did however find a small way to cope from this site. It offers memorial jewelry with a section of jewelry for infant loss and miscarriage. I know it sounds silly but the necklace I got there is helping me get through this. Its like I get to carry her with me everywhere. I got the forget-me-not necklace with two stones on it. One emerald for her birth month and one peridot for the month she was due.

I want to thank all who donated so far to Alli's memorial fund. We're up to about $1000. That should make a decent dent in the bills which are about at the expected $4000. At least a quarter of it will be handled. ^^ There's also a charity motorcycle ride for Alli on August 26. I'll be posting more news about that at her site.

I'll be taking more time to just get better but I will still be answering emails and such and maybe working on a site or two to get my mind off it all.

I haven't been doing ANYTHING online, but I was busy working and going to the hospital to see little Alli. Unfortunately, God took her away on June 13.

I was called by a nurse at Good Samaritin that Allison had a belly xray that looked "concerning" and that they sent her to Children's Hospital. I just thought that she might have gotten necrotizing enterocolitis and that she would be medically or surgically treated since the nurse didn't act like it was a big deal. I got to Children's and one of the neonatologists told me that her condition looked bad and that it would probably be fatal. I didn't understand how she was doing so well and now this.

The doctors preformed surgery to see her intestines and found that they had completely necrosed (died). There was nothing they could do for her. Necrotizing enterocolitis is something that some premature babies can get and it can kill off the intestinal tract if it isn't caught soon enough or if it happens to a little baby like Allison who was only 1 pound and 13 ounces.

Chris and I got to hold her one last time before we had them pull the vent tube. This is the single most miserable time in my life. I realize that things happen for a reason but there is no other pain like losing a child. I hope to have other children but no one will ever be Alli. Her little name was perfect, her little personality was perfect, and she was cute as can be. I loved her, and still do, with all that I am.

Her services were held on Sunday...which of course was Father's Day, and her burial was on Monday. Those seemed like the hardest part but I'm still finding myself listless and without hope or focus. I know I'll get better slowly but when you're stuck in the pain and the moment it feels as though you will never get better. Thank you to everyone that gave love and support to her while she was here and thanks to all that took care of us and offered kind words when she left.

If anyone would like to help out with her medical bills, (Which we were told would total $4000 after insurance) or just do something to help premature babies in general please donate to the Allison Kaye Seiter Memorial Fund or to the March of Dimes. Any money left in Alli's Memorial Fund after her bills are paid will be donated to the March of Dimes.

I love you Lil Bit. You were Mama's light and joy.

Visit Allison's site to donate or just to see my beautiful little angel: Little Bit's Place