Pink Sugar

I thought I was over how I felt, but I suppose not. I was perfectly fine all this evening and then after getting out of the shower I just burst into tears and wanted desperately to go home. I wonder why people don't talk about how hard moving away from home is. Maybe I just have issues that I don't even know about. O_o

I really just want to love my husband, but separately. I mean, he has his house and I have mine. Of course most married people must think this from time to time, but I mean it from the beginning. I love him DEARLY, but I just want to live and be where I want. I'm not just a silly little flit about that can't make her mind up. I just really think that I do better living on my own, but I like the people I love to still be in reach. I don't know. I don't think any of what I'm saying makes a lick of sense but somehow it all just makes me feel better to get it all out and share it with my friends.

To make matters worse, all my stuff is pretty much moved here. I wish I hadn't have felt so rushed and just left the things that I can't live without at home until I felt ready. I have no one to blame but myself though because Chris seemed to understand how I was feeling but the sheer thought of him bein upset deep down made it hard for me to be away from him while I got myself together. I know personal hygiene items and clothes seem easy enough to move, but over this last week I have moved them back and forth nearly 3 or 4 times. Plus I've been moving my desk and computer back that many times. Something that heavy for someone as lazy as me is like hard. O_o I just think maybe I should leave the desk and make due with the sewing table I have at home. But my desk sexy, its wraps around the entire room. DX I know it seems silly but I'm inbetween feeling okay and totally wanting to fall apart. I really hate being a grown up or at least being the age where people think you should be one. Its the gheyest thing I've ever had to encounter. Why can't life stay simple like when you were a kid and could sleep in your bathing suit and wake up and go straight for the ice cream for breakfast. DX I think adulkts should be able to do that and not get stares or head shakes from other adults. Wow, now I'm totally rambling. Must be the xanax. DX

I might feel better or at least divert the thoughts if I could just get lost in some big project. My externship however does not start until after December sometime, so I'm just going to have to find one for myself. *downloads anime to drown misery in* This stuff is better than a morphine drip. ^^