I went home tonight to pick some things up and I really didn't want to leave. While driving to the house I have to live in, I realized that I might be scared of commitment. I really truly am in love with idea of it, but the practice doesn't seem to be working out for me. I just don't want anyone depending on me. I want my old room, my old stuff, and what I want the way I want it. I know that that is very immature, but the way that I feel right now, I don't know as to if I care. I think I'd be better off dating for the rest of my life. I believe in marriage, I really do, I just don't feel its for me. I thought it was...I'm not lazy either. The work aspect of it doesn't bother me one bit. I just can't handle the emotional and mental stuff. I don't know. Its like I just want to play and go home when I'm done. Like, okay, I've had fun for tonight, now get your controller and game and go home. See you tomorrow.
I really don't feel like going to a therapist to handle this, but maybe I should. Right now I just want to not be bothered, but that's life and you can't escape no matter how hard you try to pull the covers over your head. DX
