Entry #00031
I haven't been doing ANYTHING online, but I was busy working and going to the hospital to see little Alli. Unfortunately, God took her away on June 13.
I was called by a nurse at Good Samaritin that Allison had a belly xray that looked "concerning" and that they sent her to Children's Hospital. I just thought that she might have gotten necrotizing enterocolitis and that she would be medically or surgically treated since the nurse didn't act like it was a big deal. I got to Children's and one of the neonatologists told me that her condition looked bad and that it would probably be fatal. I didn't understand how she was doing so well and now this.
The doctors preformed surgery to see her intestines and found that they had completely necrosed (died). There was nothing they could do for her. Necrotizing enterocolitis is something that some premature babies can get and it can kill off the intestinal tract if it isn't caught soon enough or if it happens to a little baby like Allison who was only 1 pound and 13 ounces.
Chris and I got to hold her one last time before we had them pull the vent tube. This is the single most miserable time in my life. I realize that things happen for a reason but there is no other pain like losing a child. I hope to have other children but no one will ever be Alli. Her little name was perfect, her little personality was perfect, and she was cute as can be. I loved her, and still do, with all that I am.
Her services were held on Sunday...which of course was Father's Day, and her burial was on Monday. Those seemed like the hardest part but I'm still finding myself listless and without hope or focus. I know I'll get better slowly but when you're stuck in the pain and the moment it feels as though you will never get better. Thank you to everyone that gave love and support to her while she was here and thanks to all that took care of us and offered kind words when she left.
If anyone would like to help out with her medical bills, (Which we were told would total $4000 after insurance) or just do something to help premature babies in general please donate to the Allison Kaye Seiter Memorial Fund or to the March of Dimes. Any money left in Alli's Memorial Fund after her bills are paid will be donated to the March of Dimes.
I love you Lil Bit. You were Mama's light and joy.
Visit Allison's site to donate or just to see my beautiful little angel: Little Bit's Place