Pink Sugar

I haven't totally disappeared off the face of the earth. I've just been working a lot lately. I'm off this week because I'm a mere temp medical assistant. DX

I'm doing better as far as grief is concerned. I still cry every other day or so but that's expected. I just can't stop missing my baby. She was just so wonderful. I did however find a small way to cope from this site. It offers memorial jewelry with a section of jewelry for infant loss and miscarriage. I know it sounds silly but the necklace I got there is helping me get through this. Its like I get to carry her with me everywhere. I got the forget-me-not necklace with two stones on it. One emerald for her birth month and one peridot for the month she was due.

I want to thank all who donated so far to Alli's memorial fund. We're up to about $1000. That should make a decent dent in the bills which are about at the expected $4000. At least a quarter of it will be handled. ^^ There's also a charity motorcycle ride for Alli on August 26. I'll be posting more news about that at her site.

I'll be taking more time to just get better but I will still be answering emails and such and maybe working on a site or two to get my mind off it all.

The charity ride for Baby Allison was on Sunday and I think it was VERY successful. There were over forty motorcycles there and lots of people took part in the raffles and auctions. I think the total came to about $1043. That will help A LOT with the bills. Still need about another $2000 in the memorial fund to pay off all of the bills. At least its a start. Anything left over buys Alli's headstone and gets donated to the March of Dimes. I am still so amazed at all the people who came to the ride and how really nice and selfless people can be. O_o I'm still in shock..

In other news, my sister, Heather, is having a baby! I will be an aunt. At first she went in and they couldn't find any baby on the ultrasound. They told her there was no baby (a condition called blighted ovum, its VERY common) and that they wanted to do a D&C (that's dilation and curettage, pretty much what they do for an abortion, but if you have miscarried and not expelled everything they need to suction the leftovers out or you can get sick). She told them no and made an appointment to recheck everything after she and her husband Xi got back from France. Well today was the appt. and what do you know?! There's a lil baby! Heather said it looked like a raspberry. Its only fitting since my first ultrasound of Alli, I thought she looked like a Cheeto. What's with this family and babies looking like food? Anyway, I'm REALLY happy for her.

I on the other hand wish I could have another one right now, but that doesn't seem to be happening at the moment. Maybe my body and God are smarter than I am and realize better than I do that my body needs a rest before carrying a baby again. O_o I just feel so lonesome without my Alli. Another lil person to smother with love feels like the only thing to cure it. It seems to be a common feeling in mothers who lose infants, so at least I'm normal...in that respect anyhow.

I have more to post but I should be in bed. I fail at sleep anymore.... Z_z